For Singles: Trust in the Lord With All Your Heart

When I was a little girl, I envisioned a future for myself that included marrying, like my mother, while in my early twenties. I imagined I would meet a good man, marry early, have babies early, and enjoy seeing them skip off to college while I was just entering in my forties.

While in college, I joined Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship. This was when I did a 180 degree turn from the Catholic church and toward Protestantism and non-denominationalism. I also was about to get an education on Christian "dating." First, the dating wasn't happening the way it did in my all-girls Catholic high school. I dated plenty of boys back then and assumed it would be the same after I joined a Christian group. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It was as though God had turned off the Fun and Frivolous Dating Faucet. No Christian young man gave me a second glance. I tried almost everything. (Save a plunging neckline. My Catholic upbringing did teach me something.) I realized that my usual tactic of boldly talking to a man and then suggesting a date just wasn't going to fly. (When I was 16 years old and returning from a date, I confronted my shy escort with the challenge, "So. Are you going to kiss me or what?" Yeah. I was definitely not from in the Shrinking Violet part of the garden. More like the Venus-Fly-Trap area.)

Although I can be thick-headed at times, it didn't take me long to realize God was up to something, and it didn't look like He was going to be bringing my knight in shining armor anytime soon.

So I plunged myself into my faith and pursuing God with every iota of my being. This went on from the time I was 20 until I was 27. At 27, my younger brother married his long-time sweetheart. That was pivotal for me. I remember sinking into a depression as I realized that not only was I probably not going to get married anytime soon, I wasn't even sure if I'd date again. I was tired of being lonely and felt I had done my part for God long enough. Why couldn't He give me the greatest desire of my heart? To find a good man to love and be loved by him?

And so, in typical childish fashion, I pouted my way back into the world and started to date non-Christian men. They were paying attention to me and I kidded myself by thinking that I could be a witness to them. (A pitfall for many faithful women...) I dated a single father for almost a year. Even while dating, I knew it wasn't the way I should be going. I finally stopped my temper-tantrum, repented, and returned to God.

Soon after, I had a epiphany. I called in sick one day during the week because I was in such great anguish over my singleness. I said to God, "Alright, God. We're going to have it out. I'm ready to wrestle and if I get a hip out of joint, so be it. But I need peace in my heart and I have no idea how to get there."

All day I prayed, cried, and read the Bible. This went on for hours and hours. Finally, at the end of it, I prayed, "Lord, being single isn't my choice. But if it's your choice, then I know in my heart it is the best path for me. I know You love me and only want the best for me. So, I'm going to trust You even more with this area. If this is indeed Your choice, then it must be the very best choice, and for that I rejoice. It's going to be an adventure because I know life with You is never boring! I accept Your will, Lord. Give me the grace to accept it in ways I can't comprehend right now." In acceptance lieth peace. (A beautiful poem by the Scottish missionary, Amy Carmichael, who was a huge influence upon another missionary, Elisabeth Elliot.)

And immediately, I felt enveloped by a wonderful peace, the peace that passes all understanding. I knew I was in a good place right then and there.

Throughout the next 12 years, I was involved in church almost 24/7. Since I was single, I felt I was able to do much more for God and it was true. I led Bible studies for women's groups, I taught about prayer and was involved in both training and implementing intercessory prayer teams. I was involved in evangelism and even a little preaching. I eventually attended a ministry school where months later, I was hired on staff. All of it gave me great joy as the Lord shaved off more of the flesh and replaced it with His Divine Love.

Still, my heart secretly longed for a good Christian man.

In 2000, I was struck by how often Jesus would say to those approaching Him, "What do you want?" He challenged them to define what they wanted. He knew exactly what they wanted, but yet it was important to have the person know and able to clearly articulate it. I realized that as many times I sent up prayers for a husband, I never clearly defined what I wanted.

Now I wasn't sure if I could be trusted with what I wanted. I might ask for something stupid. (Which wouldn't have been the first time.) Still, I sensed that God was saying to me, "What do you want? What do you really want?" I prayed and then took out a sheet of paper. Before I started to write, I said, "Okay, God. If I could have any kind of man, this is what he'd look like." And I started to write. A friend had mailed me a copy of a non-Christian book on dating and in it, the author suggested making a list of all the different preferences and traits desired in a future mate.

By the time I was finished, The List filled a typed page with 8 pt. font. I had written very specifically and felt satisfied.

After much prayer and discussion with family and friends, I decided that God had another place for me and I left the ministry I was involved with in North Carolina and headed back to my hometown. I was planning on returning to college to obtain a Masters degree. However, once again, God had other plans. I visited an online Christian chat room and spied a handsome man. I treated this online activity as a way to unwind after a day's work, certainly not as a serious place to meet someone. But after getting to know this man through chat, I knew I wanted to get to know him more. We ended up exchanging over 70 emails before we finally met for a date.

Note: I waited until he asked me out. I was determined not to return to my old assertive ways and trust that God would answer my prayer in this way - which was for the man to take the initiative. Granted, I did leave a few hints but I didn't ask my future husband for a date. He did ask me and we met at a half-way point for dinner and a night of sky-gazing.

Long story short - he fulfilled everything on The List. It was both scary and amazing. We married a few months later. I was 39 years old and he was 43. We've now been happily married for over six years.

I now know that God isn't finished with us by a long shot. When we married, it was outside of the Catholic church. I never thought I'd ever seriously attend a Mass again, so it was not even a consideration to contact a priest. But now I am pursuing the annulment process because my husband was previously married and obtained a civil divorce. In order for me to receive the Sacrament of the Eucharist again, I need to have the marriage blessed by a priest. In order for that to happen, the previous marriage has to be annulled.

I know that God has a reason for all of this. I could have returned to the Catholic church before I met my husband, but it didn't happen that way. My husband, who is a Christian, was brought up in the Lutheran church but at this point calls no church home. I bet you know already what I am offering up in prayer.

I've been blessed with an amazing husband whom I love in so many ways. He loves me like crazy and treats me like a queen. He was worth every minute of waiting. I believe God brought us together for a reason and continue to trust in Him with all my heart.

If you're single, this is the best thing to do. Place your desire on the altar and allow Him to receive it and bless you, because no matter what we give to Him, He will always give us back more than we expect.

We always get the better end of the deal. :-)

Holiness Is Back In Town!

I have to say, I'm loving on Papa Benedict XVI more and more.

On Thursday, May 22, he celebrated the Mass for the Solemnity of Corpus Christi. There was of course a processional with the Pontiff kneeling before the monstrance as a truck with the canopy made its way through Rome.














What is now Big News is the fact that Papa Benedict only gave the Eucharist to those kneeling. I like what he said about the Eucharist:

...the Eucharistic celebration "can never be a private act." The Mass brings Christ into the world, he said, and the annual procession underlines that truth. Jesus never leaves his followers alone, the Holy Father continued, and the presence of the Eucharist is a reminder of God's love for all his people. (Catholic World News)

I think this is a very clear wake-up call to many American Bishops who have made such a stink about those who wish to receive the Holy Eucharist while kneeling. I'm sensing a huge sigh of relief from those who were shocked to see Communion reduced to this, during the infamous "Halloween Mass of 2006."














Go, Pope Benedict!

Do You Know of Any Good Catholic Newpapers, Magazines,and Journals?

I was browsing online and came across The Latin Mass, The Journal of Catholic Culture and Tradition. It looks good to me so far. Do you have any favorites?

As you might have guessed, I'm not interested in any publications that are heavily liberal or are not in agreement with the Magisterium of the Roman Catholic Church.

What I Love About Catholicism: Ecumenical Unity and Episcopal Polity

In George Weigel's book, The Truth of Catholicism: Inside the Essential Teachings and Controversies of the Church Today, he talks about the Roman Catholic's church commitment to ecumenical unity. He states (emphasis mine):

Whether other Christians think of Catholics as brothers and sisters in Christ, Catholics have no choice but to think of other Christians that way. The Catholic Church has a unique position in world Christianity; it is the only Christian communion whose self-understanding demands that it be in ecumenical conversation with everybody else, without exception.
(Chapter 8 "What About the Rest of the World" p 136)

After the promised wedded bliss of Vatican II and the failure of the World Council of Churches to stay faithful to its mission of "the reconstitution of Christian unity through common doctrine and a mutual recognition of ministries," the Roman Catholic church was left standing alone at the altar.

This truth is amazing to me. I cannot help but think of the Roman Catholic church as a loving parent, beckoning the children to stop this nonsense and come home. And I suspect that secretly (and for some, perhaps not so secretly), there is still the rebellious spirit within that says, "No. I am independent from you and will remain so because really - in the vast scheme of things, your ideas are outdated and stodgy."

Whenever any Christian public figure has a beef with the Catholic church and makes a point of publicly saying so (John Hagee, for instance); who takes the first step toward smoothing out misunderstandings? Not usually the accusers, for sure. I started to remember all the times that the Roman Catholic church made the first move in conciliatory relations. It warmed my peace-loving heart as I realized that the Roman Catholic church isn't the Big Bad Wolf as some would suggest. Instead, if anything, our Mother Church is indeed a mother - consoling and persuading while trying to apply balm to wounds.

When I was involved in my last non-denominational church ministry in 1999, I remember clearly a very painful event. I was part of church leadership and one of my responsibilities was to counsel women. I was invited to "sit in" during a meeting which included two of the male leaders and one church member who was female. The woman, who was a new member, had evidently written a letter to one of the male leaders with concerns about his behavior.

I was not to intervene but to simply sit there as a witness. How difficult this proved to be! During the course of the meeting, this poor woman was ripped up one side and down the other for her arrogant assumption that she had any "right" to question them. None of the Biblical directives for discussing spiritual differences were followed. There was no attempt on the part of the leaders to understand why this woman had her concerns. There was only an immediate attack which eventually resulted in expelling her from the church by the end of the meeting. All I could do is look at her. As she looked at me (and I'm sure she thought, "Can't you say something?"), I could only return her gaze with love in my eyes while praying furiously inside, Please, Lord. Heal quickly whatever brokenness she is now experiencing. Help her to forgive. Help her to love. I also pray that for all of us, we learn to handle these situations more lovingly...

Scott Hahn, in his book Reasons to Believe: How to Understand, Explain, and Defend the Catholic Faith, tells the story of a Baptist preacher who had issues with his congregation. The preacher had been successful with his evangelization efforts to the poor in their community and the poor were now attending church. However, this didn't sit well with the more established members who decided to have him fired. The Baptist preacher appealed to the church's regional office but was told that basically, there existed no court of appeal beyond the congregation. The preacher rightly asserted this was not the Biblical approach. Apostles were not to be disciplined by their congregations nor take orders from them. The regional representative agreed but said the only church who really still followed this was the Roman Catholic church. (pp 90-91)

The Baptist preacher converted to Catholicism.

As I read that story, I thought of the woman in that meeting. What course of action did she have after such treatment? None.There was no higher authority to appeal, no advocate who would mediate on her behalf. And this is the reality for many churches. They operate according to their own understanding of Scripture no matter if they understand it correctly or not.

When I was younger, I found such lack of accountability liberating (as the young often do). I thought many of the denominational churches were stuck in the past and the older leaders were on a power trip that didn't include any input from their youthful members. I had the attitude of a typical Gen X'er toward the Baby Boomers: Get out the way, we're coming through. Little did I realize at the time that what I was fighting wasn't so much against authority but against anything that thwarted my will. If things didn't go the way I wanted, the blame was put on the authority of the church. Never upon my own self-serving ways.

The Roman Catholic church cares more deeply about her members than I suspected. A big part of this "caring for the flock" is seen in all the laws. Rules are boundaries erected by a loving parent. As a child feels safe and comforted by the parent who establishes such boundaries, so I am realizing that as a Christian, I feel better about a church that cares enough to say "no" as well as a church that has some checks to balance power. The New Testament is filled with governing directives and at this point, I'm seeing how Catholicism is faithful to the call.

What I Love About Catholicism: Our Worldwide Family

I recently read an article which reported that for the first time in thirteen years, Catholicism was being openly practiced in Arabia. I found my reaction to this substantial. I felt happy and connected to my fellow believers. I also wondered if my reaction was similar to American Jews understanding they are connected to a larger worldwide group.

When I was attending non-denominational churches, I knew there were Christians around the world who took their faith very seriously. Many were martyred for their faith. But I also discovered that there were differences in the various Christian churches. Some were founded by American Christian missionaries and as a result, bore a distinctive American mark on their worship. Others were more native in their approach and were helped by translators (such as the Wycliffe Bible Translators) who worked hard to bring the New Testament to their village.

But Catholicism is different by keeping the same standard - the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

I know there are slight differences throughout the world with how Masses are celebrated. In Africa, they dance because that's what Africans do. However, even though they may be doing a jubilant dance as they bring up the offering, they are still bringing the offering. I find it humbling and inspiring that when I attend Mass, I am joining hundreds of thousands all over the world who are doing the same thing. These are my brothers and sisters in Christ and through the sacraments, we are bound.

My desire is to someday attend Mass in many different countries. How awesome it would be to pray the Rosary with these Catholic believers. I have been noticing I've had visitors from Europe, Korea, and the Philippines. I was especially happy to see someone visit me from Albania! We are connected through the mysteries of our faith. I need to remember our Catholic brothers and sisters in other parts of the world more often in my prayers, especially those in the Middle Eastern countries.

What I Love About Catholicism: First Communion

It's First Communion season and today, two boys and two girls received for the first time the Sacrament of Holy Communion. I smiled as I watched them walk slowly toward the altar during the processional, tender and serious, trying not to make any mistakes.

It brought back memories of my own First Communion. For little girls, it's especially beautiful as they don their white dresses, white anklet socks with patent leather shoes, and if that wasn't bliss enough - a white veil and white gloves! We were told that our dress was symbolic of being "brides" of Christ, and there would be some who would ultimately become this by becoming a nun. I just remember it being a Very Special Occasion and that meant lots of relatives invited to our home and lots of good food. The gifts to me were a nice surprise but what I remember the most was understanding that taking First Communion was a big deal in church. Very big.

What I love about Catholicism is that it takes such things seriously. In a non-denominational church, there is no pomp and circumstance surrounding communion. I know that other churches do not believe in transubstantiation, where the bread and wine are transformed into the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. They believe that it is symbolic. Even some Catholics believe it is more symbolic than anything.

But for Catholic boys and girls, they are being introduced to a mystery. They know it is a mystery precisely because of the pomp and circumstance. There was an unmistakable sense of awe as these little ones knelt at the communion rail to receive for the first time the Body of Christ. I was so happy to see that their first experience included receiving communion on the tongue with the golden paten held beneath their chins.

What was also touching was Fr. L's homily. He addressed the children and told them how important it was to receive Jesus Christ in this way. I was touched as he told them to even utter the holy name of Jesus meant he needed to take off his biretta. As he removed it, he told them that at the end of days, every knee will bow and every tongue proclaim Jesus Christ is Lord. I could just hear their little minds turning with that thought!

It is markers such as this that builds our faith. They are reminders that our faith is to be taken seriously. Holiness demands a different approach. Today, those children got the message as their proud families looked on.

What I Love About Catholicism: Written Prayer

Adorable Jesus! Divine Pattern of that perfection to which we should all aspire, I will endeavour this day to follow Thine examples; to be mild, humble, chaste, zealous, patient, charitable and resigned. Incline my heart to keep Thy commandments. I am resolved to watch over myself with the greatest diligence, and to live soberly, justly and piously, for the time to come. I will take care of my words, that I may not offend with my tongue. I will turn away my eyes, that they may not see vanity; and I will be particularly attentive not to relapse this day into my accustomed failings, but to struggle against them with They gracious assistance. Enlighten my mind, purify my heart, and guide my steps, that I may pass all my life in Thy divine service. Amen.

- From The Roman Missal 1962, Morning Prayers, p 59

When I was a young girl, written prayer was boring. My young spirit was racing with thoughts of school, relationships, and childhood pleasures. I did want to pray to God but formal written prayer was like a huge overcoat that didn't quite fit. It was roomy and cumbersome, forming a somber enclave to my more boistrous temperment.

When I was twenty, I looked upon liturgy and the written prayers as a constraint. My spirit, I felt, wanted to soar and these heavy structures were weighing me down. I wanted to dance! To sing loudly! I wanted to whirl around in sheer delight, rejoicing in the love of my Lord. And I did. For many, many years.

Dance has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I danced as a little girl. Later, I was part of an Italian dance group and we'd perform at festivals. I also regularly frequented the dance clubs at night, exerting myself so much that I would leave soaked with perspiration. I usually drank one beer and then water the rest of the night because I considered it mostly exercise.

Within the church I attended, dancing was an acceptable form of worship. I remember so much movement! Like leaves blowing across the surface of a pond, we would dance and twirl and bend. So much movement. But it was on the surface. With so much movement, the body can only allow the expressions of the heart to rise quickly and then be flung to the heavens, like laughter or a gasp of surprise.

But there is something to be said about being still. As much as I love movement and expressing my joy for my Lord, I knew that it only went so far. Praise is good but only one part of worship. Praise is the exuberant laughter of a child. Meditation and contemplation is the heartcry of an adult.

I've started to ponder more the maturity of the Catholic faith. I can't help but compare it to the many years I spent within a non-denominational church, with leadership that flew by the seat of its pants. There were no benchmarks, no lines tethered to our souls to keep us from floating away. There were only a never-ending processional of trends that were ushered in by whomever had the brightest personality or better publicist.

But now? Now I hunger for the formal, the written, the ritual. I hunger for that which will keep me tethered and intentional. I have a wild spirit, one that I now know can lead me just about anywhere but home. And I know God has called me back to the Catholic church for many reasons. I believe one reason is to become grounded in the faith.

I have the Roman Missal from 1962 and also a book called the Catholic Book of Prayers. I've been reading these prayers in the morning and evening and sometimes throughout the day. I've been reminded through these written prayers of our need to "make reparation to Him as far as possible for the sinful ingratitude of mankind." (The 1962 Roman Missal, Exposition and Benediction of the Most Blessed Sacrament, p 123) There is a enduring humility to these prayers. They stand in stark contrast to the self-absorbed practices that take place in many churches today.

The written prayers, the really good ones - take no prisoners. I have no idea who wrote them. I suspect they were written by nameless priests, monks, and nuns who offered up their words with contrite hearts. But their words cut to the heart of the matter. We are sinners and in constant need of saving. No masquarading our faults or painting a smiley face over our wounds. No, these written prayers leave no place to hide. Naked, I come before my Lord with these prayers, asking for mercy and forgiveness.

The prayer above is one of my favorite morning prayers. It acknowledges first the superior Way of my desire - Jesus Christ. It then perfectly joins together my responsibilities to do my best. Just that says volumes about the Catholic tradition of written prayer. The focus is always first on our Savior, and then on my response. How should I answer to the love and sacrifice of my Lord? With humility, chasteness, zeal, patience, charity and resignation.

That is why I love Catholic prayers. They are solid.

Why It's a Good Thing To Ask If He's a CATHOLIC Priest

I almost don't have words for what I just discovered.

Sometimes, while I'm investigating something on the internet, I'll bump into something interesting and follow a rabbit trail before realizing I'm wasting time. One of the pitfalls of the immediacy of the internet.

I was looking at sites devoted to Mary as the Mystical Rose. One site was a MeetUp group dedicated to meditation and one of the meditation meetings focused on Mary as the Mystical Rose.

Except she was referred to as Mary Sophia. And the organizer was a woman. Wearing the Roman collar. With a big Cross hanging from her neck.

What the....heck?!!

So is this what some women want? To look like men? I was tempted to include the photo but I found it so irritating that I thought it best to just not include it. The link to the site is below.

I am a mix of emotions right now. Mostly anger. I found out that this woman was ordained through a group who call themselves the Order of Christ Sophia. This may be old news to some of you. It's almost laughable if these people weren't so earnest. They seem to focus on attracting wounded people so they can sweet-talk them into heresy. It is just staggering what this group proclaims.

The tip-off was when I viewed the front page of the site and immediately saw a woman wearing a Roman clerical collar. Here is how it opened:

The Order of Christ Sophia is a non-denominational Order of women and men who strive to live by the Mystical Christian teachings.

Notice that "women" are placed before "men." I think that is very telling.

Here are a few of their twelve purposes. My comments are added:

• To continue the Apostolic work of Christ Jesus and Mother Mary by giving form to the Reality of the Father/Mother God through the Priesthood of Jesus Christ, under the Order of the Golden Cross.
• To empower and ordain Priests and Deacons after the Order of Melchizedek under the mantles of Jesus Christ and Mother Mary, the Sovereigns of Earth. Mary was never involved in the priesthood.
  
• To let the power, force and energy of God move through the Sacraments of Baptism, Confession, Communion, Illumination (what the heck? No confirmation? Do they pray over a group of candles and hand them out or what?), Marriage, Holy Orders and Last Rites so that all people may be transformed and made whole. The whole "sacrament" claim is directly from the Catholic church. It's unbelievable that these people think they can slap a collar on themselves and suddenly be valid as priests and ministers of the Holy Eucharist.
  
• To speak the Word of life to all people so that all may know the love of their Creator and the reality of their divinity.
• To preserve and disseminate the Christian Mysteries and the ancient Wisdom Teachings as embodied by Jesus Christ and Mary, thereby demonstrating to humanity the Christ Consciousness and the Way of Return to the Creator. They deny being "New Age" but brothers and sisters, this is straight outta the New Age how-to manual. "Sophia" is the Greek word for wisdom and many Christian women in some of the mainline denominations had a conference years ago to "re-imagine" Christianity. Using the Greek word for wisdom was their way of foisting the feminine into a goddess. They had prayers to "Sophia." It's Goddess theology, plain and simple.
  

And of course, the $64,000 question...

Why do you wear robes and clerics (the collars)?

We wear robes on Sundays and some other occasions to remind ourselves that, as Jesus’ and Mary’s ministers and priests, we are standing in for Them as we serve at the altar. It is humbling and inspiring to keep in mind Whom we serve in this way. Ignorant bowls of mush! The Mass (at least they had the decency to not refer to their church service as a Mass.) is a sacrifice. The priest stands in as an icon of Christ. Not Mary. Mary wasn't the one being nailed to a cross. The Mass is a re-presentation of the Sacrifice. And newsflash - since Jesus is male, a priest can only be a male. He called twelve men to be His disciples. If He had wanted a woman to be one, there were plenty to choose from. Women have another role to play but not as priest.

The ministers of OCS also wear clerics (black clothes, clerical collars and crosses) to allow themselves to be identified by those who would like to speak with a minister. (or confuse the heck out of someone who may think they're either talking to a Roman Catholic priest or that the Pope finally dictated that women should be ordained.) It is much like a cop wearing a uniform: you know they are on the job and you can ask them for help. Our ministers consider themselves on-the-job all the time, so they usually wear clerics, except when working at their site of employment, or in other situations in which clerics would be inappropriate. (If someone is working at another site of employment, then where are the Holy Orders to sustain them in their vocation? Oh, that's right. There aren't any because this is a renegade group.)

So in other words, whoever started this group was ticked off because women weren't being ordained. So they started their own heretical group and are trying to paint a Catholic image on top of it.

Which just goes to show you that when you see a young man with a Roman collar, don't assume he's a Roman Catholic priest. I'm going to start asking straight out anymore this question if I happen to see a priest in a social setting. If you see a woman wearing it, well...it's a safe bet she's not in communion with Rome.

Voices From the Couch

From surfing the blogs, I came upon one of Carolina Cannonball's recent entries by the title's name. She got it from another blogger who I've read through The Crescat, Terry Nelson.

The rules: write whatever comes to mind about yourself.

Blogging - Well, that's pretty much what I've been doing. This blog is my third one and the only blog thus far that I've updated more regularly than any of the others. My other blog is about communication topics (which I will not bore you by telling you where it is. Honestly. The site has cobwebs hanging in the corner.) My second blog is an anonymous blog about scrapbooking which is actually a pretty hilarious hobby. I basically poke fun at those who take it waaaay too seriously.

Scrapbooking - I love it but I don't have enough time for it. It's the only way my creativity is still breathing, if even in short gasps. I love color, photography, fonts...(oy...fonts...) and title work. I just love it all. I do however wonder what some of our relatives will think when in the future they look at some nameless/dateless photo of an adorable kid that just has the words, "live. love. laugh." below it and think, what in the world...??

Coming Home - It has made a big difference in my language. Seriously. I used to have quite a sailor's mouth. Now I think of the Virgin Mary looking down at me and saying, "You're going to say the Rosary to me with that mouth?" Eek. No, my Lady...but please forgive my husband. He's worse. (But then again, he's not Catholic and doesn't even feel an iota of the hairy-eyeball feeling I get when I know I'm dangerously close to sinning.)

Mom - The death of my mother has affected me in ways I never expected. I do know coming back to the Catholic church is part of it. But after she passed away last year, I had this huge ginormous combo of both middle-age angst and grief. I realized I simply could not work in an office anymore. Or a 9-5 type of job, which I had at that time. I was working in a warehouse, which was a first for me. I do have a college degree but then so did some of my co-workers in the warehouse. I took the job at the warehouse about three years ago to get away from the office. I thought my dream of self-employment was just around the corner and I basically wanted a job where I clocked in and out...on. the.dot. No more staying after 6:00 PM to "get caught up." Yeesh...I loathed that.

I had been wanting to quit, hoping I had my ducks in order, but two years went by and nothing. Then, my mom passed away in March. Suddenly, everything changed. I asked my husband what he thought of me working several part-time jobs doing what I loved if it brought us the income we needed. He was good with it. And he's been a treasure, even when things were a little tight for some months. But so far, it's working.

My jobs - Yes, I have several . One is cleaning homes. My brother and father think I'm a bit mad to do something like this. They think I'm wasting my talents. But I'm not. Cleaning is almost like meditation for me. No one bothers me. I get in. I get out. And my mind has time to absorb whatever it wants during that time, which are often ideas for writing. I also have time to pray as I clean. My other job is working at a craft store so I can get a discount on my art supplies and interact with creative people. I just love creative people. Then I do some professional speaking on the side (on communication). And I teach digital scrapbooking. And occasionally sell Pampered Chef because I love to cook and I love their products and recipes. All I can say is that all of it gives me joy in one respect or the other and it sure as heck (heh) beats working in an office.

Punk Girl - I was a punk before punk was cool. Ha! Not quite. I was a mish-mash of punk/alternative but yet waaaay to happy to be taken seriously by the tragically hip crowd. However, I did bemuse many on occasion and burned the dance floors like few could.

Fonts - I'm returning to this because fonts are very important to me. I have over 1,000 on my laptop and desktop. My husband thinks I'm insane and should delete some of them. I say no, they're like my babies. I can't part with "A Year's Supply of Fairy Cakes" because I just know someday I'm going to use it again on a layout! Fonts are the heart of my eye's expressions. I've been known to fret for an hour over the choice of font for my layout.

Did I say I make fun of people like me? Yes, I believe I did...

Comedy - I've always secretly wished I could be a comedian but know this will never be because 1) I always mess up the punchlines and 2) I laugh at my own jokes and 3) I'm usually only funny by accident or when everyone else was either drunk or stoned enough to laugh at my lame antics. Still, I dream.

What Catholics Don't Have: Megastars

I happened to click on a video this morning that showed a video clip of a well-known preacher who has become quite popular. His services are overflowing with attendance, his books have topped the New York Times Books Best Sellers List. He is a charismatic man, preaching a message of hope.

On the surface, this seems fine and for many people, it is just what the doctor ordered. But the more I thought about it, I realized that once again, this is a difference between Catholicism and the rest of the Christian churches. We don't have megastars.

What I mean is that within Catholicism, there aren't these towering personalities that eclipse everything and everyone around them. Some will say, "Oh, yes you do. You have the Pope!" The Pope, to me, does not fit what I call a "megastar." A megastar is someone who for various reasons, has risen to the forefront of a ministry. They've written books, spoken to thousands, and maybe have a TV or radio show. The focus is on their personality and their teaching.

The Pope is well known, to be sure. His speeches are televised across the world and his books are eagerly awaited by faithful Catholics everywhere. However, the focus is on the Catholic church. He has a very specific and strategic role within the government of the church and that must take precedence over everything else.

Never have I felt that a Pope was grandstanding. Instead, I have been touched by the humility I have seen in Pope Benedict XVI. There is a somber respect I also sense as he walks out his immense responsibility for leading the worldwide Catholic church.

Here's another thing I've noticed: Megastars usually don't talk about sin. They'll talk about God's love, or God's desire to see us healthy and wealthy; but rarely does a megastar become a megastar by talking primarily about sin and suffering. I suspect it's because they realize they wouldn't have much of an audience. I'm not denying the importance of sharing with the world God's love but I do have reservations about sharing only one side of it. God's love is shown to us through His mercy but it is also shown through His judgement of sin. We could never have rejoiced in the resurrection if we had not first admitted we were sinners in need of saving. When we realize the depths of our sin, we are able to celebrate even more fully God's great love for us and the sacrifice of His Precious Son, Jesus Christ.

Here's another thing about megastars: There are Catholic megastars but the Mass levels the playing field. There are Catholic politicians, authors, radio show hosts, actors and actresses, athletes, and musicians. There are many well-known Catholics but yet when they attend Mass, the ultimate sacrifice of Christ is preeminent. The Eucharist is predominant and takes a back seat to no one.

But within a non-Catholic church, if, say, a famous Christian is present, they're usually invited to the pulpit to speak. Why is this a concern for me? Because the focus of the service is transferred to a personality which to me doesn't seem to fulfill the purpose of a church service. I believe that when Jesus Christ instituted the Eucharist as a sacrifice, He gave His Church a wonderfully indescribable gift. One of the aspects of this gift is that it centers us on Jesus Christ. He is the One.

I used to get weary from the constant adoration many had for the "megastar of the month." Some people would elevate these people to a level I felt was idolatrous. I'm finding that as I attend Mass, I'm being reminded again of where my focus should be - not on charismatic personalities or famous individuals if they happen to be visiting, but upon what my Lord and Savior has done for me, and for which I am eternally indebted to Him.

Do Catholics Try Harder?

This question has been rolling around the back of my mind for the past three months. When I started to take seriously this desire to come back to the Catholic church, I kept thinking of all the years I spent in a non-denominational church. In fact, I was a part of a rather well-known mega-church, complete with large conferences and its own selection of professionally recorded worship music.

I have many good memories of meeting fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, praying with them, serving with them, and growing with them. There were also moments of discord, which is typical for any church out there. But overall, God blessed me with some wonderful fellowship.

However, there has been a Scripture verse that has kept coming to mind. It's from the letter to the Philippians:

So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for {His} good pleasure. - Phil. 2:12, 13

I remember when I "became a Christian" (and I'll explain the quotes later), I was taught that my upbringing in the Catholic church was full of "works" that were unnecessary since Jesus Christ's death and resurrection did everything for us. Our salvation, I was told, was by grace alone. Anything added to it was as though I was trying to say I could add something to Christ's perfect sacrifice.

I believed that for a very, very long time. Now, I'm not so sure. In fact, I am sensing that the verse to the Philippians was meant to tell believers that their salvation was not something to be taken for granted but something to seriously ponder each day. That all of their choices in life, their attitude, and whatever they put their hand to do is to be done with the mind of Christ.

It has struck me that my life in the Catholic church, before I went off to college and decided I needed "something more," was already set up to help me live a good Christian life. I already was a Christian. I had been baptized, confirmed, given first Communion, and kept up with my confessions. I had been given a blueprint that would help me stay on course. Perhaps I had grown numb to the saving works of the Catholic church. Or maybe it was a youthful rebellion against the religion of my childhood. At any rate, I spent a good number of years trying to relearn in another way what I had already been taught from all the years in Catholic education.

You know what I've missed the most from the Catholic church? The focus and adoration of Jesus Christ. Walk into most churches today and listen to the sermons. You'll hear anything from requests for more money to build a new fellowship center to thoughts on how spouses should treat one another. There will be some sermons devoted to the men and women of the Old Testament, and some will devote a sermon to the New Testament. But yet it's a hit-and-miss on whether you'll hear much about Jesus Christ.

The adoration of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist is something that happens at every Mass.

Every. Mass.

The focus of the Mass is Jesus Christ. Not the latest building report. Not David and Bathsheba. Not even Peter and the acts of the apostles. Nope. It's pure Jesus, every time.

There is something I can't quite articulate at the moment, but I know it's there. It's a passion for focusing on Jesus Christ that translates into a much different Christian life than what I saw in the non-denom church. More reverent? Yes, that might be it. But it was more like the Catholic church seemed to be the older sibling, who already had figured out what pleased the parents the most. Meanwhile, the rest of the children were running around, demanding to be fed and entertained. There's a maturity level of the faith that exists within Catholicism that I just had not seen until now.

So, do Catholics try harder? I'd say yes and now I'm going to be one more; giving it everything I've got.

Happy Belated Mother's Day

I'm still battling a weird cold. I wanted to go visit my mother's grave on Saturday but decided I'd wait until I felt better since I would have a two hour drive and a visit with my father. I'm trying very hard not to give it to too many people!

Mother's are so important but in ways I never realized until my own dear mama was gone. She passed away last year and as I've mentioned in my very first post for the blog, was a big factor in my coming home to the Catholic church.

It was my mother who bought me little children books and especially the religious ones that used to be held in a special rack in our parish's vestibule. It was she who encouraged me to read and brought me to the library when I was a little girl. And it was also my mom who was very upset with me after I told her I'd be attending another non-Catholic church. I'll never forget her chastising me for it, saying that all those years spent in private Catholic schools were then "wasted."

I would give anything in the world to be able to tell her that no, all those years weren't wasted. For some reason, they were seeds that were simply growing deep roots, unbeknownst to me. I know she would be thrilled to see where I am today. I know she'd be happy.

So if you have a mother who has been put through the ringer on your behalf, I hope you had the opportunity to spend some time with her and tell her just how much you appreciate her. I know she'll love hearing it. :-)

Thoughts on Art

One of the sites that truly has some of the best eye candy in the Catholic blogosphere is The Crescat. The owner, "Carolina Cannonball", obviously has a highly developed appreciation for good art and little patience for bad art. Such is the case in a recent entry, Contemporary art which is not art.

About a hundred years ago, I was an art major in college. Ever since I was a little girl, I had spent time drawing. In school, my talent was encouraged by both my teachers and my parents. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I "grew up," my answer was always the same - an artist.

I declared a Graphic Arts major when I first started college. However, after a year and a half, I ended up switching majors because I was intimidated into doing so from a bitter advisor who pretty much assumed it was his job to weed out those, who in his estimation, didn't have the cajones to hang with the big boys. In hindsight, I wished I had switched to Fine Arts, which was probably more suitable for my talent, but alas, I didn't.

Art has never been far from my life, though. My favorite medium is graphite pencil. Years after I left college, I found an art teacher and took a few lessons to get myself back into drawing. (I've never posted my art online but do so to establish to an extent my love and respect for art. I suspect I'm going to be talking more about it in the future.) When I first started, it was such a battle to still myself for two hours and sketch. My mind would be racing with various ideas and it was very hard to focus again on drawing. My art teacher would place various objects before me to sketch. Such as a clay bust of a young woman. I added a long neck to her, which is my own preference. I just love long necks but believe me, I have no idea if she had such a neck. Most likely not...

During this time, I rented a small studio space and tried to get back into the local art scene. I confess I never felt as though I connected with many other artists precisely because of my faith. Most artists I have met have either been atheists or adopted a mix of various belief systems that they formed into some type of faith but usually struck me as confused and hazy. Clarity is very important to me. I'd rather meet someone who would passionately declare their beliefs rather than someone who was wishy-washy about admitting to belief in anything or anyone.

(Below are some of my pieces. My favorite is the portrait of my nephew with the cute little cap on his head. This boy now towers over me at the age of sixteen.)































As I've looked at the various images on The Crescat, I've realized more than ever the enormous legacy that sacred art has bestowed. Centuries ago, the only kind of art that existed was sacred art. Most of those who had any drop of artistic talent would try their hand at a triptych or a painting that would reflect the divinity of Christ. And what gorgeous pieces they created.



Cologne School c.1510-20 Triptych of the Virgin and Child with Saints oil on panel: 126.5 x 350.5 x 6.0 cm
National Gallery of Australia purchased with the assistance of James O. Fairfax AO and the Nerissa Johnson bequest 2001

When I was younger, I remember noticing how art within many Catholic churches took a sharp turn into modernity. I think I had more patience for modern art when I was younger. Now not so much. I think most of it is self-indulgent slop. It's one thing to attempt a certain conceptual design that expresses the artist's vision. But it's another thing to masquerade a sloppy design as art, which has been a sticking point with me for over twenty years. I suppose one could say I'm a hardkore traditionalist when it comes to art.

I believe we do need art, but the kind that elevates our spirit. I've never been too keen on artists 'exposing' or 'revealing' the sins of the culture. I mean, really. Do we truly need to be reminded by an artist who most likely doesn't believe in God that we live in a fallen world?

So I'm speaking from a very specific perspective and one I know is not shared by everyone. Which is fine. We all have our preferences when it comes to art. I have been known to enjoy some pieces of modern art, especially glass sculpture and stained glass. Anything that captures or filters light is fabulous, in my opinion.

When I look at art, I want to first, understand the design. Secondly, I do hope to be inspired first and challenged second. If I can't walk away from an art piece wondering about it, there is no point. This is why I was so disappointed years ago when I saw how boring art had become the trend. A woman gnawing on a huge cube of lard, and then spitting it out in order to eventually create lipsticks to show the consumption of beauty in society was not the least bit intriguing to me. In fact, it was downright revolting. But that's the kind of slop that had the writers at Art in America sit up and take notice. Yeesh. Not surprisingly, I didn't renew my subscription after it ran out.

So. I can appreciate Carolina Cannonball poking fun at some of these modern art pieces that to me, have no soul.

And maybe I'll start noticing again sacred art created by today's devout artists who want to inspire. Not bore.

Sacramental Imagination

Don't you just love the sound of that? Sacramental Imagination... As though I'm standing at the doorway between this world and the spiritual world, and the door opens, beckoning me to a wonder that is beyond my wildest dreams and most fervent hope.

This is not too far from the description given by George Weigel, author of the book The Truth of Catholicism: Inside the Essential Teachings and Controversies of the Church Today. . It's one of the many books I'm trying to read all at once. I really like this book by George Weigel, especially since he mentions the Priest-Poet Gerald Manley Hopkins. Anytime someone talks about creativity, my heart sits up and takes notice. If anyone talks about the sacred within creativity, I start purring like a cat who just had a quart of pure cream.

From Weigel's book:

In the Catholic imagination, the extraordinary lies just at the far side of the ordinary. Through the ordinary things of this world - "outward sings," an old catechism called them - God makes himself and his grace available to us in what Catholics call "sacraments." As Guy Crouchback [a character from the Evelyn Waugh novel, Men at Arms Weigel references] knew even in his cups, the "Catholic imagination," the Catholic way of looking at things, is a sacramental imagination. Inside that distinctive way of looking at things, what the world often thinks of as ordinary and mundane becomes an experience of the extraordinary and divine.

That sacramental imagination is the only context in which debates about the shape of the Church's worship and the character of the Church's priesthood make sense. [pp 55-56]

Weigel talked about how most influential Catholic thinkers would agree that what we call the supernatural is in fact the most "real of real things." [p 55]

This was so good to read and just chew on for bit. After I read the sentence about context, I just stopped and said to the heavens, "That is good. That is really good."

For Weigel was making a point about all these debates that rage around us regarding Church, the liturgy, and the various issues that surround them such as ordaining women into the priesthood. It is so easy to get caught up with those debates but if one looks deeper, one can truly see that our focus should be on transcending this world and its pattern of power and entering into the Sacramental Imagination with it's holy pattern aimed in only one direction - toward God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

I'll end with what Weigel said at the end of his previous chapter:

Doctrine is not excess baggage weighing Catholics down on the journey of faith. Doctrine is the vehicle that enables the journey to take place.

What IS It About the Latin Mass?

I really like The Lair of the Catholic Caveman blog. Whoever they are, they are spirited, passionate, and loyal to the Catholic faith. Good stuff, in my humble opinion.

Recently, the blogger named Vir Speluncae Catholicus posted this entry about the Latin Mass.

I loved this:

As Sis and I walked in, I saw that the altar was configured in it's usual, Traditional form; the only talking in the chapel was The Rosary being recited; there was the usual long line for Confession; men were in coat and tie, ladies wearing dresses and mantillas; the priest was dignified and actually conducted himself like a Catholic priest. And of course, the unmistakable awareness that Christ was physically present. Pretty standard stuff.

No Novus Ordo "it's all about me" attitude that was pervasive. No avalanche of noise that's the norm at St. Bozo's. No presider trying his damnedest to come across like Shecky Greene.

Anyhow, for some strange reason about 10 minutes into the Mass, it hit me.

For an hour and a half, once a week, this REALLY IS the most beautiful thing this side of heaven. I'll admit it... I was almost moved to tears.

I am so intrigued about the reasons why this Mass touches people so deeply. Could it be that after years of personalized liturgy based on the whims of others has finally taken its toll on the soul? Could it be that people are finally tired of the self-absorption that is evident in many of the newer Masses?

I will say I wholeheartedly agree with Fr. Z when he talks about a cross-pollination between the EFM and the NO. I believe as we start to return to some basics, we'll see a new appreciation for the old rite reflected in the NO.

At least I hope. I don't doubt it could happen. It's just been a while since I've seen a NOM celebrated with an understanding of penitence and the Sacrifice of the Mass, but actually, that was what I was raised in. I clearly remember as a little girl attending Mass and it was almost a literal translation of the Latin into English. It was good.

I'm Here, Just Sick

Blech. I'm so ticked off. I had a bad cold toward the end of March and it lasted about one week. My voice sounded like a frog's and I went through an entire box of tissues in a few days. Once it was gone, I thought that was the end of it.

Well, surprise, surprise - it's back! So, I'm back to a froggy voice and too much congestion. I've been busy with my various jobs so I'm going to have to call in sick today. Last night, I was storming Heaven's Gates for all the saints who have anything to do with throat ailments.

St. Blaise, St. Lucy, St. Etheldreda, St. Godelieve, pray for me!

In Praise of Tradition: The Catholic Mass

I just finished reading the history of my former church (A non-denominational church). The founding pastor shared his story about how God led us from having "church as usual" to being thrust into an entirely new paradigm: home churches.

Home churches aren't new, but usually added to the "main event" of attending a common service once a week. I was a member of the church-planting team and on the board of trustees back then and remember well feeling like a boat without an oar when we suddenly lost our building. What to do? I was expecting us to immediately find another building in which to meet weekly. Instead, we divided into geographical locations and met in homes and then, once a month, came together for a common service.

During that time, I remember not being sure if it was indeed God's direction. But it wasn't my call and I was simply open to doing what the pastor sensed in his heart was God's will. The church has stayed with this method for over sixteen years. During the course of its life, the church has also had many member both leave and join.

Looking back on this experience feels a bit dreamy, as though I'm looking through a filmy glaze of idealism and hopefulness. It was an experiential approach to faith and church. It may have been a part of my youth to pursue such things. Now I look at it and see how my path has led me to a very surprising place.

Today I yearn for stability above all else. I don't want to "try" new approaches to church simply to do something new. I don't care for change for the sake of change. Is this part of growing old? Maybe. But I suspect that it is more a mixture of losing my mother, feeling un-anchored without her, and dealing with a very volatile and uncertain world.

This is one of the differences I see between the non-Catholic and the Catholic church. There are some Catholic parishes who try on new liturgy like it was the season's latest fashion. But there are those who have maintained a consistent practice of the liturgy. There is comfort to be found in tradition. For instance, as I celebrate the Extraordinary Form Mass (or EFM, also known as the Latin Mass or Tridentine Mass), I am reminded that I am taking part in what has been the spiritual food for thousands of people. Some became great saints, some were simple, ordinary people who loved and feared God. The EFM knits us all together.

This tradition gives my spirit something to hang its heart upon. Like the old wooden pegs used to hold hats, my spirit is looking for recognition when it enters through the doors of a church. When I was younger, I was able to adapt more to the ever-changing ocean of the worship service. Now I simply want to come to church and know what to do and when to do it. Again, I am surprised by all of this. But I'm not quite sure this is simply because I'm getting older. I've noticed younger women in my parish who wear veils at the EFM. Who showed them how to do this? Their mothers were most likely burning their bras when they were in their twenties, not putting a black lace veil on their head. So I know it isn't simply a generational desire to return to a more traditional approach to the liturgy.

Tradition can strengthen us and serve as a common bond.

It fills me with joy and awe.

Kids at Mass

I decided to dedicate an entry to this topic because I read the entry over at Pro Veritas (a new blog, check them out!) titled "Kids at Mass" and I knew what I had to say was more than a few words. So I'll add a few comments there but wanted to expound upon them here.

First, I'll say right off the bat - I love kids. Adore 'em. And as far as them being at Mass, my initial response is, they'd better be! I enjoy seeing children at Mass but my perspective has been shaped by all the years I've spent in non-Catholic churches. Over a month ago, I wrote an informal essay on what I found attractive about Catholicism. One of my points focused on children and the family. Here it is:

The Family - I noticed something when I started to attend a Protestant church. And it actually became a pattern within every church I belonged to, every church I visited: after worship, the children would be dismissed to attend their "children's class" which would focus on teaching them Christian truths at their own learning level. Children from five years old up to age fourteen would routinely leave the main sanctuary, allowing the adults to experience the rest of the service without, I thought, the bothersome behavior of children. What I also noticed was the constant requests for more people to be involved in the "Children's Ministry." Within the Catholic Church, children are not dismissed. They are embraced and encouraged to be a part of the service. I have fond memories of when the priest would invite the children up front and sit by him as he spoke about Jesus exhorting believers to have the faith of a small child. Do the younger children squirm and cry? Yes. But adults have also learned how to discipline their children by teaching them there is a time and place to talk and when in church, one is to be quiet. Children in turn learn how to worship God with their family instead of being separated from them. I think it was one of my father's high points if our family was asked to bring up the Offertory. I was brought up in church and it developed a strong appreciation of the phrase, "The family that prays together, stays together."

I remember very clearly a situation when I was disciplined for not obeying my father during church. I was three years old. I remember playing with the kneelers. My father, who never spoke to me during Mass, quietly snapped his fingers at me and shook his head to tell me to stop. (Only my dad could "quietly" snap his fingers, but he managed to do just that. ) Well, much to my detriment, I did not stop.

When we got home, I received a little spanking. I knew exactly why I was being disciplined and guess what? I never did it again.

I have told that story to some people when the topic of discipline came up. Personally, I feel there are far too few willing to discipline their children. Whether it is from fear of disapproval from others, worries that some government agency will crack down on them, or a belief that discipline "breaks the spirit" of a child - they are unable to do it. The result is unruly children who are self-centered and usually rude.

Is that the kind of children we want to send forth into the world? I think not. Children are a blessing from God and the parents are given a very solemn responsibility to raise them to respect and love themselves, others, and God. I agree wholeheartedly with Pro Veritas. Giving children toys to play with or Cheerios to munch on does not instill in them a sense of the sacred. After all, they're not at a preschool just before naptime. They're at church.

Children often want to copy adults. When little girls see older women wearing veils, they want one. When little boys see older boys serving the Mass, they want to do the same. They have a natural curiosity that should be encouraged and stoked, like a fire. Once they start to understand that Jesus Christ loved the little children and often included them in His teachings, they'll understand that they also are an important part of the church.

One of my favorite recent memories is of that young mother with four little ones under the age of eight. Her little boy, who looked around four years-old, was promptly sent out of the pew when he forgot to genuflect before entering. Later, he was caught sticking his tongue out at his sister. The mother quickly scooped him up and marched him out of the sanctuary for discipline. When they came back, he was made to sit in the pew in front of her. I admired her greatly for teaching her children there were consequences to acting up in church. Can you imagine the message that these precious children are receiving? God bless that mother!

I don't mind fussy children and have more patience for them than their parents may think. But I do mind when parents do not teach their little ones how to act in church. Maybe the next time you see a parent trying to do the right thing, thank them for their efforts. I know they'll appreciate it.

My New "Old" Missal

Well, I suppose this marks me as a "trad," now. I chuckle when I hear this term, especially "rad-trad." I don't know if I'll ever be "rad" but do know I've become more traditional as each day goes by.

This past week, I was able to buy the Roman Missal of 1962. I bought the one printed by Baronius Press as opposed to the one by Angelus. I have no qualms against Angelus, but my local Catholic bookstore only stocked the Baronius Press version. Since I was impatient and didn't want to pay shipping and handling charges for an online order, I went ahead and bought the Baronius version.

I love the embossed cover and the IHS monogram. (The right meaning has been lost but is Iesous Christos, - meaning Jesus Christ.)

Here are more photos:

I love the thickness of the missal. Like a thick, delicious slice of bread...















The reason why I wanted my own missal - to learn the Latin rite.















Finally, I adore these illustrations. I love reading more about the saints and learning when their Feast Days occur. And the Morning Prayers are just beautiful.



All in all, I am pretty happy with the missal. I'll be attending Latin Mass tomorrow and hopefully will be able to follow along. I have so much to learn. I'm so grateful I have a parish that offers the EFM more than once a week.

Plus, tomorrow I'll be attending the local chapter of Una Voce. I'm really looking forward to meeting people who love the Latin Mass.

Have a blessed Sunday. :-)

Love This Song..."I'll See You In My Dreams"

I bought my husband the DVD A Concert for George as a Christmas gift in 2006. My husband, who plays the ukulele, really likes George Harrison (the "quiet" Beatle) and one reason is because the man loved to gather with his friends after a good meal and play the uke.

When Joe Brown gave this rendition of Gus Kahn's "I'll See You In My Dreams", I knew I had to learn more about the background of this song. It touched me that deeply. I just referenced this film (by the same name) on Fr. Z's blog. It made me want to hear the song again. I found it on YouTube. So sweet. Enjoy!

Happy Scrapbooking Day!

I am a digital scrapbooker, which means I create my scrapbook pages on the computer. I didn't start to scrapbook until I married in 2001. Suddenly, I had a man I adored and all I could do was take a bunch of photos of him! Plus, my darlin' man is a photographer, so he started to teach me the basics of photography. (This is one reason among many I am forever grateful to God for giving me this man.)

For a few years, I used the typical paper scrapping method until I heard about digital. My husband suggested I use a desktop publishing program he introduced to me when we first met. (Serif's PagePlus. By the way, Serif is having a 50% off sale on PagePlus. This is an incredible deal! For a limited time, you can buy it for $64.99.) This program is just fabulous on so many levels. I started to teach digital scrapbooking classes in 2006 and use this program for my students. It is a very easy, "drag 'n drop" program that is visually accessible and very intuitive. It's also, in my opinion, a heck of a lot easier for the beginner than say, Adobe Photoshop Elements.

Over the years, scrapbooking as a hobby has evolved into an art medium for many. I was more traditional with my approach when I first started. (Gee, traditional...such a surprise, eh?) But as I started to take photographs to capture what was important in my life, I realized some of my pages were turning into visual journals. (Usually my pages are filled with journaling.)

Just a few weeks ago, I created my first layout about my faith. I'll be doing more of these and they may become a magnificent obsession for awhile. So, here is the layout with the journaling below:



Journaling:

If someone had told me a year ago that I would be returning to the Catholic church of my youth - and be excited by the prospect, I would have laughed. I would not have believed it for a moment. But then again, God does have a sense of humor.

It isn’t as though I’ve not been involved with church during the past 25 years. I have been, but yet it wasn’t within the Catholic church. After my mother passed away last year, though, something changed. Losing one’s mother is one of the most profound losses a person experiences. I remember my mother not being happy when I left the Catholic church and I’m sure this is part of the reason I’m back. But another part of me is tired of wandering. It was as though God reached down, enveloped me in His arms and said, “Enough. You’re weary. You need to rest. Just sit here in this pew and be still and let Me love you.” It was an amazingly humbling and restorative act for me to finally surrender to His grace.

I feel as though He has given me a great deal of grace to return and receive whatever He has in store. A new friend of mine, who also has returned to Catholicism after years of being away, said she believed I was being given an awesome gift. I couldn't agree more.

And I suspect my mom is watching from above, happy that I’m finally, in her eyes, back where I belong.

If you're interested in learning more about digital scrapbooking, I posted my website on the sidebar, ScrapShot Magazine & Designs.

Reason #311 Why It's Good To Be Catholic

They have the best sense of humor.

Proof positive: Stuff Catholics Like

A snippet:

Holy Water:

Now as Catholics enter a church they bless themselves with holy water while making the sign of the cross. This is an interesting confluence since we combine the begriming of our Christian life in baptism with our redemption through the death of Christ via the sign of the cross. Catholics love cool symbolism like that! Not only that often we combine this with genuflecting (bending the knee) at the same time if we see a tabernacle with the Blessed Sacrament present. I told you we love symbolism and bending the knee to Jesus fits quite well with Philipians 2: 10.

But that doesn’t end the holy water fun in a Catholic church. During the Easter Vigil Mass a priest or deacon will walk thorough the church sprinkling holy water on the people via a liturgical implement called a aspergillum.We also love cool words like aspergillum. So if a priest is casting aspersions of holy water at you this is a good thing.

Don't try to drink and read at the same time unless you want to invest in a new keyboard.

Reason #254 Why It's Good To Be Catholic

We have the Mass. No matter what the personal preferences of a Bishop may be, the Mass is celebrated throughout the world virtually the same way. The Catholic church also has a hierarchy that ensures standards. Case in point: acquiring and keeping pastoral leadership.

Last night, I spoke with a friend who shared some ups and downs with her non-Catholic church. The pastor had left (details weren't discussed but she said he left "honorably") and the church was without a pastor while they searched for a new one. They had several pastors come to preach and the congregation voted for the one they liked best. At this time, they have a pastor. But who knows what the future will hold? The congregation may well be looking at another vote within five years.

Coming back to the Catholic church has been eye-opening in many ways. When I was involved with Evangelical churches, almost anything regarding church government was up for grabs. It all depended upon the pastor and his preferences. Then there was the situation of firing pastors if the congregation didn't like how he was doing his job. To be sure, there are some pastors out there who have no business leading a congregation. But there have also been some very good pastors who have tried to faithfully lead their flock and were shown the door for their efforts.

One church I was involved with favored those who gave large sums of money in the collection basket. This is oftentimes the reason why many pastors stay away from preaching on sin. They're afraid of "offending" people and thus, losing tithes. (Some Catholic parishes experience this same dismal approach with their Sunday homilies.)

Some may say the Catholic church is too large and too cumbersome to get anything done. Although I understand that viewpoint, I would also submit that the Catholic church takes great pains to ensure that both parishioners and religious leadership are both treated fairly.

My previous years with non-Catholic churches included many years spent with the prophetic ministry. Sometimes we sensed that God gave us a picture to communicate a specific message of encouragement or exhortation to a person. For weeks now, I've continued to receive the same picture of the Catholic church.

I see a battleship. A very large battleship that has seen many wars and attempts to destroy it. But no matter how many come against it, it has withstood all attempts to thwart its mission, which is bringing the gospel of Jesus Christ to a lost world. There are many "manning" the ship - the captain, of course, is Peter's successor, then Rome, the priesthood, the laity, and all the saints throughout the ages. But I have sensed a very deep and ancient stability to the Catholic church that I didn't see when I was a young girl.

Perhaps all these years away were God's way of allowing me to experience how other non-Catholic churches operate and how the Catholic church is truly on the right path. I know it's un-PC to say that the Catholic church is the one, true church (Pope Benedict XVI made a huge splash when he declared this last year), but the more I'm researching Catholic doctrine and reflect on my experience with other churches, the more I'm beginning to see the validity of that statement.

I know I can't run out and tell everyone who is attending other churches to join the Roman Catholic church. But I have a feeling by the end of the year, I'll be very, very close to doing just that. ;-)

Headcoverings and the Issue of Submission

Well, goodness. Who would have thought I would be considering a headcovering for church? As I mentioned before, if you had told me this five years ago, I would have laughed. Even a year ago, I would have responded with a clueless, "huh?" But I forgot to mention that yesterday, while attending the Latin Low Mass, I decided to wear a headcovering.

And you know what? It felt perfectly right and true.

I know headcoverings are a touchy issue. Some women look at it as nothing more than a tradition from a backward time when women were thought of as no better than dogs. American women look at the independence they have fought for over the past forty years and feel such a practice represents a submission they refuse to embrace. And some women may look at it as a practice for old women, but not for the young and modern gal.

When I was twelve years-old, I asked my parents for two things for Christmas. One was a small TV of my own. The other was a Bible. (a prophetic request of what would become a passionate focus of my life: observing the physical world while pursuing the spiritual, and the relationship between the two.)

I received my two requests and was elated. My mother had found a Catholic bible for young teens called "The Way." I clearly remember it's blue cover with the "groovy" font style blazing across it. Each book of the Bible was prefaced with a modern introduction, showing how Biblical truth was still relevant and how it applied to me.

One of the first verses I read that spoke to me was from St. Paul's first letter to Timothy:

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. - [1 Tim. 2:9, 10]

During that time, I was undergoing tremendous teasing from my fellow students and of course the teasing was about my appearance. I wore glasses. Very thick glasses. I was called everything from "Four Eyes" to "Twenty Eyes." Both the boys and girls would often tease me about being ugly, yada, yada. I have since healed up nicely from these times but actually thank God for the taunts. For those who mocked me drove me straight into the arms of my Lord and to His Word. (Ha, take that, kingdom of darkness!)

When I read those verses, they were like the Balm of Gilead upon my soul. Suddenly I realized that God wasn't judging me by my looks, either. He was more concerned with my heart and my modesty as a woman. That day I absorbed that truth like no other and it profoundly affected me for the rest of my school days and still does. Fashions will come and go, but the heart of a woman who loves her Lord will never go "out of style."

St. Paul goes on in the next verse to talk about submission. Oy, veh...talk about controversial! Some women have fought tooth and nail over those verses, demanding everything from becoming ministers to refusing to submit to their husbands in any way, shape or form. And keep silent? Not on your life! (According to the word of the feminists...)

1 Corinthians 11 has been the bane of many an independent woman. I won't deny that I've fallen in that group many times. I am a very spirited woman and not by a long shot am I "meek and mild." Being half-Italian will give you an idea that my temper can quickly be aroused and my German background graced me with a hard-headedness that has caused more than a few arguments. But as I read God's Word, I wanted to be obedient. I knew that in order to receive God's blessings, I need to heed His Word and die to my way of doing things.

So, I started to study submission. I'll revisit this topic again (since this entry is getting rather long), but suffice it to say that when I've chosen to surrender myself in this area, I have been abundantly blessed.

Wearing a headcovering is to me, first and foremost, submission to God. Although it was a directive given by St. Paul for the governing of the church (as opposed to one said by Jesus Christ in the gospels), I believe it still has merit for our culture. No matter how we as women may fight this, we know instinctively that there is something "holy and mysterious" about a headcovering. And I do think that submission is the heart of it.

Yesterday, I wore a simple scarf since I don't own a lacy mantilla. But I felt another level of submission I wasn't expecting. It was aimed toward God and the surrender in my spirit was raw and vulnerable. We women have built quite an armor in our American society. "I am woman, hear me roar" was the phrase of a popular song in the 60's. Perhaps my take on that verse can be, "I am woman who adores her Lord."

I can say for myself that there is a fear of letting go of whatever I sense is my "empowerment" as I embrace this practice. I don't think I'm alone in this. By wearing a headcovering, I am showing the world that I am dependent upon my God, not myself. I show that I reverence Him, especially as I approach Him in the Mass. I show that I am humbling myself - and boy, do I need to humble myself.

Wearing a headcovering forces me to realize that I can't just amble inside a church with an attitude that I am doing God a favor by showing up. No. Wearing a headcovering reminds me I am stepping on Holy Ground, one that requires me to remove the worldly shoes I usually wear and to clothe myself appropriately.

And isn't it ironic that the covering is upon our heads, where all thought of who we are and our place in the world, originates?