Thursday, November 20, 2008

eHarmony Gets Rolled by the Siggies

It was with great sadness that I read eHarmony, a Christian dating site, has decided to open a separate dating site for gays and lesbians. A gay man had sued eHarmony when they were unable to provide him with a match. From Michelle Malkin's site:

The Pasadena-based dating website, heavily promoted by Christian evangelical leaders when it was founded, has agreed in a civil rights settlement to give up its heterosexuals-only policy and offer same-sex matches.

EHarmony was started by psychologist Neil Clark Warren, who is known for his mild-mannered television and radio advertisements. It must not only implement the new policy by March 31 but also give the first 10,000 same-sex registrants a free six-month subscription.

“That was one of the things I asked for,” said Eric McKinley, 46, who complained to New Jersey’s Division on Civil Rights after being turned down for a subscription in 2005.

My term, "siggies" comes from the realization that we have a growing group of people in this country who have made sexuality their god. (Sexuality Is God = SIG) Everything is rooted in sexuality - their identity and as such, their understanding of either being powerful or powerless. It is a never-ending pursuit of power and control and woe to whoever gets in their way.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is a decent guy. He wrote the book years ago named, Finding the Love of Your Life. It promptly found a place on my bookshelf when I was single. His advice was extremely sound and wise. One of the principles I remember was his insistence on finding someone who was similar to you in background, education, and values. (There were more categories, but I remember those specifically.) He said shared commonalities were like "money in the bank" and differences were like deductions. I found that advice very interesting and I'm happy to say I put them to work and now have a wonderful husband as a result who shares my values and interests.

I think there was a part of me that saw the proverbial "writing on the wall" when I was a Relationship Coach. I used to give workshops for single women over 40. I also coached women individually, helping them discover different ways to create more opportunities to find love. Early on, I discovered that the Siggies are everywhere. Especially in libraries.

I had been invited to speak to a local library and present my workshop, "Finding a Husband After 40." The assistant library director was really interested in what I had to offer and enthusiastic about the program. Two weeks before I was to speak, I received a phone call from her. The conversation went like this:

"Ummm, Mary Rose, I'm sorry to have to do this but I needed to call you to let you know we can't do the program with you."

"Oh? Why?" I was surprised but also very interested in discovering the reason for getting dumped.

"Well..." The assistant director hesitated. "The board voted against it. In fact, in all the years I've been doing this, and I've been doing it for a very long time, I have never had the board refuse one of my choices for a presentation."

I was now very intrigued and admittedly, a little annoyed. I thought the right channels had been consulted before I was accepted as a speaker. But I felt sorry for the assistant because I felt she was caught between a rock and a hard place. I was right.

I said, "Voted against it? Really?"

She replied, "Yes. As soon as the title of your presentation was read, one woman in the group said, 'Oh, we are not going to have such a program in this library!'"

The picture started to get clearer. "Wow," I said. "Tell me, is this woman single?" The assistant confirmed she was indeed single. I then pointed out that she sounded like a feminist. The assistant chuckled and said, yes she was; and not only that - but a lesbian.

So the board first had not asked for any notes of my presentation. It was dumped simply because some lesbian didn't like the title. I politely reminded this assistant that it was pretty ironic that my presentation wasn't well received when the library was filled with books on dating, relationships, and finding a husband or wife. She laughed and agreed with me.

This was over five years ago, but I tucked the experience into my memory. Because I was just beginning, I didn't want to make an issue out of it. Believe me, I could have if I had wanted. My brother is a lawyer and was outraged when I told him the story. But why spin my wheels with a lawsuit when at that time, I was trying to become established?

As the years passed, I watched with increasing concern the amount of times a gay or lesbian would target a Christian business to harass. All in the name of "equality" but in essence, no issue of equality was really on the table. No one is preventing a gay man from finding love. There are many, many gay publications and online websites that they can use to meet other gays. But what did this guy do? Angry that there is a site for Christians and they couldn't accommodate him, he sues. And won.

I remember talking to someone about the issue, saying that I really had no understanding of the dynamics of gay relationships - hence, I couldn't offer relevant and helpful information. Imagine my surprise when I read these words by Dr. Warren:

Warren had said in past interviews that he didn’t want to feature same-sex services on EHarmony — which matches people based on long questionnaires concerning personality traits, relationship history and interests — because he felt he didn’t know enough about gay relationships.

It would seem that doesn't matter, Dr. Warren. All that matters is that the Siggies are forcing everyone to march in lockstep to their demands. It is getting ridiculous and I'm afraid only more such nonsense is on the horizon. In fact, I won't be surprised if such organizations have to go through a "re-education camp" and Dr. Warren's presence will be mandatory.

I've since quit coaching because it wasn't viable. But all I can think about is all the Christian businesses who are now in the cross hairs of the Siggies.


Unknown said...

I had to step away from my computer when I read about EHarmony last night. I can't believe it, and I'm still a little angry.

Gay activists keep telling us how same-sex marriage "won't affect straight people." This is one of the many examples of how it will not only affect us, but dominate and subdue us.

Mary Rose, you're doing so well with this blog and I'm learning a lot! I really appreciate it when older women share their wisdom. You should do a thread on how us 20-somethings can prepare for marriage.


*Linda Pinda* said...

So, sad...

I hadn't heard this news, and I am dumbfounded that the secular forces that be can attack religious organizations... and win?

I'm sorry, but I think e-harmony should have closed rather than compromise.

You know... if we went to a gay and lesbian site looking for a match and couldn't find one, they'd say "well... what did you expect? This is a gay and lesbian site".

The argument would therein be that many gay and lesbian people consider themselves Christian. Perhaps I should start calling myself lesbian just to get some of the perks even though I am not.

Heck.... from this day forward, let's all call ourselves Harvard Allumni!!! How long would it be until we were all sued for fraud by the same folks who use the name of my faith to forward their own fraudulent agendas?

There must be some method to this madness, because I am beginning to form a longing for heaven which I did not previously have. I am truly becoming a pilgrim on a journey home because every day this country is less and less my home.

Hugs & Prayers... *Linda*

everyonecounts said...

I found this news to be ridiculous as well...not just because it was a Christian based website, but because it was made for heterosexuals. Why does it need to be opened to homosexuals? They have their own websites. It seems very odd...people will sue for anything.

I do have to let you know that I do have gay friends who are in complete agreement with YOU, shocking I know. They don't care. They don't want to be a part of EHarmony and are quite happy with the way things were. I believe you lumping them ALL together as "THE siggies" is a bit much, don't you think? One guy started this absurd lawsuit, not the entire gay community...and not all of them feel the same way he does, nor do they make sexuality their god.

You have had a couple run ins with easily offended homosexuals. Please don't let it ruin your view of the rest of them. If you do, it might ruin all the ways they help to enhance your life like, hair salons, musical theatre, dance, interior design, fashion...and the list goes on :)