Monday, August 18, 2008

I'm Baaaack! (And How NOT To Do A Move...)

I'm finally (almost) settled in our new townhome. I am extremely grateful for more living space. We really needed it. Before, we were in a tiny apartment with almost two house's worth of possessions between us. Getting married late in life can have a few inconvenient consequences, such as accumulating "stuff" and then marrying someone else who already has accumulated "stuff." Then collect "stuff" together as a married couple. So all our stuff has made us feel...well, rather stuffed.

Thank you to everyone who thought of us in prayer. All I can say is that I can't imagine how much worse it would have been without the intercession of the saints! We did have amazing weather, which was a huge blessing. (Nothing like trying to trudge large, unwieldy boxes in the rain...)

But, seriously? It was crazy. Moving is never on anyone's Top Ten List of Fun Things to Do. ("Hey, Joe...let's say we grab a few boxes and start moving this Labor Day weekend! Don't you just love the smell of packing tape?!") Moving is physically demanding not to mention stressful as we re-orient ourselves to a new environment. Since I'm now in a much better mood, I decided to make a list of how NOT to do a move:

1. Decide that a 30-day notice is for amateurs. You can pull off a move in a week's time, no problem.

2. Packing boxes doesn't take that much time. It's much more important to check your email. You've got peeps, for goodness sakes! Need to keep in touch!

3. Your blog is of the utmost importance so it's vital to keep updating it every day, even though you have boxes to fill. Ditto for the Facebook page because everyone is just dying to know what you're doing this very minute. ("Staring at boxes, needing to be filled...")

4. Speaking of boxes, you really don't need many. Just haul over what you have, empty them, and re-use!

5. Sleep? Who needs sleep? Wake up at 2:30 AM. Empty out more boxes for the last leg of the move the next day. Then drag your tired body throughout the day, punching holes in the walls of the new place with sharp edged objects because you don't have the strength to carefully carry an empty sack, let alone a heavy box.

6. Take time to chat at length with the mailman while under the gun to get out before the ex-apartment's office closes. Find out what his real dreams in life are, including his retirement plans.

7. Forget to check the apartment office hours, which actually changed so when you swing by to drop off the keys, you see a nice, big closed door.

8. Forget to check the open office hours on the weekend. Yes. Changed again.

9. Dolly? Who needs a stinkin' dolly? Real men like to carry boxes one at a time.

10. Forget how heavy clothes can weigh. Forget getting a few extra wardrobe boxes from U-Haul. Forget that the one you currently have has lived through three moves, was stuck in the basement a few years, and has the creases to show for it.

11. Forget that creases in a wardrobe box buckle under weight.

12. Forget how heavy books can be when grouped together. Forget how heavy magazines can be. And why are you keeping old magazines, anyway?

13. Forget purging all unnecessary items from your household like: broken cassette tapes, old books that no longer have any meaning for you, an old stereo system that plays LP's that you insisted on carting around for decades "just in case you wanted to play records again", records that can now be bought on CD's, coffee cups...oy...they deserve a category all their own.

14. Forget that for the past twenty years, you've collected quite a collection of coffee cups because people like to fill them with stuff and give them as gifts. Or they're part of a gift basket. Or a door prize. Or the company which you now curse decided it would be a swell Christmas bonus. At any rate, you now have a collection that could shame the inventory of your local card & gift shop. Forget that you live alone or with one other individual and only need two.

15. Forget that you will never, ever plan on having a dinner party for 50 so you need all those coffee cups. And really, who wants to be swigging coffee from a cup that says, "Deadlines, Schmedlines...I'm Going Shopping!"

16. Forget that you planned on re-gifting those coffee cups. You cheapskate, you.

17. Forget to mark boxes properly so you spend an inordinate amount of time looking for important things - such as your computer speakers.

18. Forget to occasionally vacuum behind things so when you move, you and the few suckers you roped into helping you will be sneezing all over the place.

19. Forget to throw out stuff every once in a while from your fridge, the back of the microwave cart, those stupid cabinets above the refrigerator that are never used. Trust me. The Smithsonian isn't going to want it for their collection of Average Twenty-First Century Americana.

20. Imagine that your car is really an SUV and therefore, can carry much more stuff than a Mini Cooper. Smash everything into every nook and cranny and then pray a police officer doesn't notice and write you up for reckless driving. Who needs rear vision? That's what side mirrors are for.

21. After all that fun, imagine you have the energy of an Olympian and do some thorough cleaning. Don't worry. Your body appreciates the extra challenge.

So much fun that I can't wait to do it again! And if you believe that, I have some property near a flood plain I'd love to show you.

All kidding aside, I really love our new space and plan on living here until the end of the ages. And I'm getting rid of the coffee cups. I promise.


X said...

Just save a couple cups so we can have coffee if I ever come and visit LOL!

PS...your remark about my accent made for a fun edition of WML on Friday...check it out!

Janny said...

I'll take that mug with "Deadlines, Schmedlines" on it, though...what an inspired present for several people I know!

(like me)
heh heh...